The Night Circus - Book Review

The Night Circus
by Erin Morgenstern

The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.

But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway—a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will. Despite themselves, however, Celia and Marco tumble headfirst into love—a deep, magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands.

True love or not, the game must play out, and the fates of everyone involved, from the cast of extraordinary circus per­formers to the patrons, hang in the balance, suspended as precariously as the daring acrobats overhead. (Synopsis from Goodreads)

---

The Night Circus is a beautiful story, crafted in delicate layers and made to impress, like the cakes, pastries and fabulous meals that are so richly described within its pages. It glitters, and every page is a new delight, so that merely reading about the circus, about its patrons and performers and magical tents, would be enough to keep me devouring the book on and on. And this is a good thing, as the story itself is very slow, meandering and elusive, teasing us a little here and there before wandering off to gaze at some new spectacle. This is a book to indulge in, to simply enjoy as it takes your hand and leads you around the circus.

It probably goes without saying, in light of the above, that this book is well-written. Erin Morgenstern crafts her world and characters with wit and charm, with lavish descriptions that are nevertheless not over the top or pretentious. I was completely enchanted from the very first page, and despite the slow reveals and almost static story, I was hooked. I just kept reading, compulsively, until the end. I normally prefer story over style, and yet, this book proved itself to be exactly the kind that I love – one that makes me long for any break I can get just to dive into its world again.

The story revolves around a magical contest between two players: Celia, trained with practical methods, emotion and demonstration, and Marco, trained with more intellectual methods, with books and control. They are the pawns of two much older magicians, two men who have almost completely lost connection with the world. The location of the contest: the Night Circus, a fabulous project dreamed up by creator and perfectionist Chandresh, with the aid of some very talented people. Built on Marco and Celia’s magic, this becomes the ground for displaying their skills, and magical new exhibitions begin to appear. But the contest is not quite what it seems, and the two combatants are linked inextricably in more ways than one.

I found the magical contest fascinating and compelling, particularly in the second half of the story. What began as a beautiful, dream-like vision begins to get a little darker, and cracks start to appear. The people around Marco and Celia are getting hurt, and the magic is beginning to take its toll. With peripheral characters that I really cared about, the emotional highs and lows and shocks really affected me. Celia and Marco were actually weaker characters, but I was still utterly invested in their story, and really wanted them both to find happiness if they possibly could.

I only had one slight criticism of the book, and that was the ending. It felt weaker than the rest, perhaps because the book was built on a kind of illusion, on the mysterious contest that loses some of its power when revealed and explained. Perhaps because of the way in which the dilemma was resolved, which felt just a little bit underwhelming. Perhaps because the high stakes at this point didn’t quite ring true to me. However, this was redeemed by some excellent foreshadowing and building on themes, and the closing of the book on exactly the right note. And though I might have liked the ending to have been just a little more dramatic, and perhaps a tad darker, it certainly doesn’t diminish the whole.

I adored this book, and wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it. It’s beautiful, enchanting and engrossing, and though it moves at a slow, meandering pace, it never seems to lose focus. But be warned, The Night Circus will make you very hungry, and you may want to have a supply of chocolate mice standing by!

Fire and Ice – Romances That Melt The Ice, and GIVEAWAY

The Fiery Hot Reads for Icy Cold Nights blog tour is an event organised by Rainy Day Ramblings, Cambria Hebert, Love of Books, Kimba the Caffeinated Book Reviewer, and Mostly Reviews. It’s been running from Jan 28th and today is the LAST DAY!

This is a post all about those romances that start with icy hate or enmity, or differences that are seemingly too big to overcome, but turn to love so strong it melts the ice. These aren’t the slow friendship-turned-to-love romances (though I do love those)... this is a post for the you-drive-me-crazy ones, the I-was-so-wrong-about-you ones, or the I-know-shouldn’t-but-I-could-never-stop-loving-you ones.

Now, there are a lot of really great hate turned to love classics, and I could easily have filled the list with them, but I wanted to mix it up with a bit of variety... with some well-known books, some old, some new, and some that many will never have heard of. Hopefully there will be something that everyone recognises on the list, as well as something completely new. Naturally, there may be a few minor spoilers for the books listed here (such as who ends up with who!), but hopefully nothing too big.

Oh, and check out the giveaway at the end of the post too!

This is really the definitive book for the hate turned to love romance. Lizzie can’t stand Mr. Darcy at first, and he certainly thinks himself above her. Their conversations are definitely icy. At first, Mr. Darcy falls in love despite his better judgement, despite her low station compared to his. Lizzie points out that this isn’t enough, that his attitude could never inspire love in return. But Mr. Darcy doesn’t give up; he listens to everything she says and realises the truth behind it. He changes, but he also reveals more about himself to Lizzie, and slowly she begins to see that she judged him too quickly. Both of them are forced to change their minds, and both to see the other in a new light as their love begins to melt away the ice.

If Pride and Prejudice is the definitive hate turned to love romance, then Romeo and Juliet is definitely the definitive love defies all obstacles romance. It’s one of the most famous of all love stories and has been re-imagined in so many different ways, from West Side Story to Underworld. Romeo and Juliet are from rival families and their love is doomed from the start, but that doesn’t stop it from burning fiercely, defying everything thrown at it before its tragic end.

Anne really doesn’t like Gilbert; at school he makes fun of her hair colour and she smashes her writing slate over his head. But there’s something there, a spark between them that turns first into friendship, then into a deep love that weathers every storm.

I actually haven’t finished this series yet, but it strikes me as a beautiful example of the I-shouldn’t-love-you-but-I-can’t-fight-it kind of romance. Ash is a prince of the Winter Court, and Meghan is the daughter of the Summer King; they are age-old enemies and Ash has been tasked with capturing Meghan. He didn’t realise he would fall in love with her...

Sophie doesn’t trust Howl. She thinks he’s an evil wizard who literally eats young women’s hearts. Then she meets him and finds out that he’s just a self-absorbed jerk with an eye for the ladies and an obsession with his hair-care. Which is almost as bad. It takes Sophie a long time to see that she's fallen completely for Howl, and it takes even longer for him to admit his own feelings for the bossy woman who cuts up his shirts. Sophie and Howl drive each other crazy, but their love is strong enough to battle anything.

Whether you’re a fan or not, this is a great example of a romance that works despite seemingly insurmountable differences. Not only is Wanderer a different species that looks more like a little insect thing than a person, she’s part of the invading race who are literally obliterating humanity. She’s also inhabiting a human body that belongs to Melanie, who’s in love with a different guy. Oops. But Ian and Wanderer’s love conquers the enmity and suspicion, and as revealed in the quote above, Ian loves her for who she is, no matter what she is.

This was a really recent read for me and i loved it! Elena and Clay are constantly at each other, whether it’s arguing, throwing around insults, scrapping as werewolves, or having passionate sex. Elena cannot forgive Clay for something he did to her in the past, and she tells herself over and over that she hates him. It’s soon obvious that Elena’s hate is wound up with a deep love that will never burn out. And Clay is determined to do everything he can to win her over. This romance had an added bonus for me – I wasn’t rooting for it at first, but then it won me round too. Their love can even melt the reader’s ice!

 ---

And now for the...

GIVEAWAYS!

I'm giving away your choice of one of the books mentioned (or any other book that you think might have a 'romance that melts the ice' in it - your choice) up to the price of £8 (UK pound). Open worldwide as long as the Book Depository ships free to your country.

Aaaaand... for a second winner I'm giving away a little goody package of romance-themed stuff. Sadly, postage costs mean I can only open this one to the UK.

No following necessary, though always appreciated and rewarded with imaginary cupcakes. ;-)

Congrats to winners Samantha Stewart and Angela C! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Hope you enjoyed the post, and be sure to stop by Mostly Reviews for Veronica's post too!

(Thanks to ArsGrafik, Gangstarr71, and Shiranui for photoshop brushes used)
 

Dash and Lily's Book of Dares - Book Review

“I’ve left some clues for you.
If you want them, turn the page.
If you don’t, put the book back on the shelf, please.”

So begins the latest whirlwind romance from the bestselling authors of Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist. Lily has left a red notebook full of challenges on a favourite bookstore shelf, waiting for just the right guy to come along and accept its dares. But is Dash that right guy? Or are Dash and Lily only destined to trade dares, dreams, and desires in the notebook they pass back and forth at locations across New York? Could their in-person selves possibly connect as well as their notebook versions? Or will they be a comic mismatch of disastrous proportions?

Rachel Cohn and David Levithan have written a love story that will have readers perusing bookstore shelves, looking and longing for a love (and a red notebook) of their own. (Synopsis from Goodreads)

 ---

I’m not sure I could ask for a better book to review on Valentine’s Day. Dash and Lily’s blossoming romance is one of the sweetest, funniest and most honest that I’ve read.

I loved the concept of this story, that the couple meet through a diary, performing a set of tasks and clues before they ever see each other face to face. The book opens with Dash’s point of view as he finds the little diary stashed in-between his favourite author’s works in a bookshop. The book dares him to prove himself by following some clues, eliminating anyone who the diarist would not be romantically interested in. Dash passes the test, but instead of leaving his name and number with the specified shop assistant, he leaves the diary, with a new set of clues. And so the dairy-flirting-treasure-hunt begins.

Through the opening chapter, both Dash and the reader gain a sense of what kind of person Lily is, and both are completely wrong! In the very next chapter the reader is introduced to the real Lily, a shy, optimistic and naive girl whose brother placed the diary in the bookshop in the hopes of finding her a date. As the story progresses, it becomes clear that not only are Lily and Dash almost exact opposites, they are also each forming entirely the wrong impression of the other. Dash is snarky, sarcastic and suspicious, and he hates Christmas. Lily is open, optimistic and cheery, and she loves everything about this time of year. Dash thinks Lily’s messages are ironic and her Christmas-themed clues are designed to tease him. Lily has a slightly more truthful impression of Dash (largely thanks to her helpful and hilarious relatives), but his sarcasm can sometimes fly over her head and she believes Christmas is all that's needed to cheer him up.

At first the situation seems hopeless, but then both Dash and Lily begin to change. Lily is right; Dash is, underneath the snark, a boy who needs a little more cheer and optimism in his life. Through Lily’s kindness and joy (and some very good cookies), he does begin to open up a bit more and to look at the world in a better light. For the first time he begins to enjoy Christmas. And Lily needs her boundaries to be pushed a little, to be treated more like an adult and asked the important questions that only Dash seems willing to ask her. Lily is upset about many little things in her life, mostly all due to the over-protectiveness of her family – which, as she puts it, is what causes ‘Shrilly’ to emerge. Dash helps Lily to gain confidence in herself and to stick up for herself a little more. As Lily toughens a little, Dash softens a little; it is clear that they are actually perfect for each other after all.

The book is written very well, with a lot of heart but also a lot of humour. There were several laugh-out-loud moments, especially Dash’s encounter with the local vigilante mummy-patrol. The characterisation is brilliant and it’s this that really makes the book so fantastic. Both Dash and Lily are wonderful characters, and their relationship as well as their interaction with others is always realistic and enjoyable. For me, Lily was the stand out character – she was always truthfully written and the most sympathetic, and the one who changed the most throughout the story. There’s also a fantastic range of side-characters who add plenty of humour and trouble to the plot.

Romantic, moving, funny and honest, and packed with great characters, Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares is a wonderful story.


Thank you to HarlequinUK and NetGalley for providing a review copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Top Ten Romances in Books

Top Ten Tuesday's going all squishy and romantic on Valentine's week, and asking us: what are our favourite romances from books? As I'll be doing a post on 'Romances That Melt The Ice' on March 1st for the Fire and Ice blog hop, some of these will be explored in more detail later... with prizes and goodies! :-D  Be sure to stop back then.

(Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly meme hosted by The Broke and the Brookish. It's a lot of fun, so why not come join in!)

Top Ten Romances:

1) Sophie and Howl - from Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones. Yep, you probably all know by now that I'm obsessed with this book, but the romance really is one of the best! Howl and Sophie are so perfect together, and very funny together too which makes for great reading. They're also both quite unusual characters, meaning that even though you can see the romance coming a mile off, it still plays out in fun, slightly unexpected ways.

2) Darcy and Lizzie - from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I wonder if anyone's list won't include these two! It's one of the most famous romances, and one of the best.

3) Westley and Buttercup - from The Princess Bride by William Goldman. If you haven't read this, you must! Or watch the movie - both are excellent. It's such a wonderful story, and very romantic alongside all the action and adventure.

4) Angua and Carrot - from the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett. Werewolf joins City Watch, meets guard, werewolf and guard fall in love, guard finds out her secret, guard may or may not be the secret heir to the throne, werewolf already has a hard enough time dealing with fleas and doggy breath thank you very much... your classic love story really! This is comic fantasy, but the love story is actually very sweet, and Angua and Carrot are always fantastic characters.

5) Jane and Bingley - from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Another Jane Austen, and from the same book too! It sometimes feels like Lizzie and Darcy get all the attention, naturally so, as their relationship is more dramatic and Lizzie is the main character, but I think this book contains another really great romance. Jane and Bingley are one of the most adorable couples ever!

6) Ai and Estraven - from The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula le Guin. This is probably the one where most people will ask 'whaaaaat?' It's not traditionally seen as a romantic book. It's feminist, it's science fiction, it deals with important themes and heavy ideas, and this is what people tend to focus on. But, at its heart, it is a very romantic book and a great story. Whether you see the two main characters as just good friends or becoming something more (I'm firmly in the latter camp), it's heart-aching and breathtakingly told. For me, it's the best tragic love story I have ever read.

7) Dash and Lily - from Dash and Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. This is a recent read for me, and I just loved it! Dash and Lily both form completely the wrong impression of the other, then gradually get to know each other before ever having met. Although it almost seems like fate is against them at points, they keep getting drawn back to each other. And although they initially seem too different, it becomes clear just how perfect for each other they really are.

8) Hermione and Ron - from the Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling. It's not exactly the most swoon-worthy of romances... in fact, it's pretty awkward most of the time, but it built up slowly from the very first book, and it always felt so real and honest. And we were waiting for it for such a long time!

9) Clary and Jace - from the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare. This is an interesting one to include, because I haven't read the whole story yet. But I love these characters: they're sharp and funny, and both give as good as they get. This also isn't a case of insta-love (which I'm not overly fond of) - we can really see the attachment and trust building between them. So, because I like them so much, I'm warily including them. Now don't do anything to let me down, Clary and Jace!

10) Fairytales - Fairytales in general. Not all include a romance, though many do, but I wanted to put this on the list because they're such romantic stories. Not necessarily the characters or their relationship, but the magic, the way the story is told, the ideas within them, true love... (I realise that slightly contradicts the previous point, but I actually don't mind insta-love in a fairytale). Good fairytales include the scary and the nasty with the pure and the wonderful - some show good winning out in the end, some end more tragically - but almost all of them are romantic.

The Piano Tuner - Book Review

The Piano Tuner, by Daniel Mason, is the story of Edgar Drake, a piano tuner sent to Burma to fix the Erard Grand Piano of Surgeon-Major Carroll. Edgar travels from London to India, where he catches a train, then a boat to Burma, finally travelling through Burma to Mandalay and on to Mae Lwin in the Shan States where the Surgeon-Major is stationed. Here he works on the piano while enjoying the peace, beauty and seductive charms of the idyllic Burmese village. As he grows more nervous concerning Surgeon-Major Carroll’s unorthodox methods for establishing peace, he nevertheless falls completely in love with the land and its people. However, the British Army does not share Edgar and Carroll’s desire for harmony and understanding, nor their belief in the power of music.

The front cover of this book promises three things: extraordinary, seductive, haunting. If these words adorn the front of the book, then the reader is going to expect just this. Now, it did not quite meet ‘extraordinary,’ but two out of three isn’t bad, right? Unfortunately, this book made me realise that ‘seductive’ and ‘haunting’ are all very well, but they do not necessarily equate to a great story.

The Journey: Potential for ‘Extraordinary’?

 

The book begins promisingly. Edgar is an intriguing character, a little dreamy and introverted, a little odd, but deeply passionate about music in a way that convinces the reader to be deeply passionate about music with him. It is very easy to like him, to feel for him, to sympathise with him. Right from the get-go he is uneasy about the typical Victorian imperialistic attitude to the East, and dislikes society’s racist opinions of the ‘Oriental’. He does not like the army on principal, and sympathises instantly with Carroll because of his efforts to promote peace. Edgar is a guy we can get behind. This does leave the question of exactly how Edgar will grow and change on his trip, however. Does he actually have anything to learn? Might it have been more interesting to see the more ‘typical’ middle-class Victorian suddenly thrown into Burmese life?

Edgar’s journey is also promising. He encounters a man on the boat, known as ‘The Man with One Story’ who launches into a haunting tale of mysticism, magic, and the devastating power of music. This is meant to complement Edgar’s own journey, both physical and emotional, but it is slightly unfortunate that this ‘mini-story’ is far more intriguing than anything that happens to Edgar. Still, Edgar’s journey continues. On the train across India he sees a boy at a station who wants to sell him a poem, a tale of the leip-bya of Burma. The train pulls away before Edgar can hear it, but the story of the leip-bya will be visited again later in the book. Edgar faces other events on his way to Mae Lwin including a tiger hunt which goes badly wrong, in which he must face his own attitude and realise that despite his best intentions he is still just another British intruder. Edgar sees beauty, strangeness, mysticism, violence and oppression. He sympathises further with the Burmese people. Over the journey the reader has been taken from the gritty realistic feel of London into a world of magic and ‘otherness.’ Edgar has seen things that bewilder and intrigue him, and is adjusting some of his own attitudes to become a better person.

Problems and Dreams

Unfortunately, the book does not stay on a high note for long. In between the beautifully written moments of awe, or the suggestions of the supernatural, Edgar’s journey is a somewhat boring list of places reached and then instantly left, like the author is ticking off points on a map. This is interspersed with a fairly dry history of the Shan people, followed by an even drier history of Erard Grand Pianos. Despite Edgar re-assessing some of his preconceptions (such as the patronising belief that they can ‘bring music’ to a country that clearly has its own rich musical traditions), he does not really change at all. In fact, he barely reacts to anything around him. He seems to be drifting along as if in a dream, letting things happen to him without engaging. He is possibly the most passive main character I have ever read about.

This is, perhaps, intentional. Edgar’s entire time in Burma feels like a dream to him, and he writes home to his wife that he is losing a sense of what is real and what is only imagined. This connects to the story of the leip-bya, the Burmese word for a person’s spirit or soul, that flies around moth-like at night and returns at daybreak. The leip-bya’s nightly excursions are responsible for dreams. Edgar’s own connection to the leip-bya seems to suggest that he is also flying around moth-like, experiencing a constant dream from which he needs, or perhaps can never again, wake up. This is enhanced by references to the Lotus Eaters from the Odyssey, as well as the story of Gautama. Edgar is the man who has fallen in love with a dream-land, who has left his wife and everything else behind to live in an idyllic new land. The reader is never quite sure if this is a wonderful thing, or a deeply sinister thing.

Haunting and Seductive, but at the Expense of Story and Character?

This is the strength of the book, but also its failing. Daniel Mason gives the reader ‘haunting’ and ‘seductive’ in bucketloads. The story is strange, ethereal and surreal. It never quite feels real, and the constant references to dreams, illusions and magic, as well as to men lost to other lands, adds a clever and enjoyable element to this. However, this also means that Edgar never really steps up and becomes an interesting character. He never does anything, simply observing and letting things happen to him. His feelings and emotions are therefore unconvincing, and his extreme love for Burma slightly baffling. He remains so much on one emotion throughout the whole story that it is hard to pinpoint exactly what makes him so desperate to stay here.

The story itself, as well as the setting, also falls a little flat. In an effort to keep everything feeling so dreamy, the author appears to have neglected to keep his plotting tight and his descriptions evocative. There are plenty of long, rambling sentences about what Edgar sees around him, and yet none of these creates a sense of anything beyond Edgar’s impression of beauty and slight bewilderment. In other words, we are told that what Edgar experiences is beautiful and wonderful, but we do not see this for ourselves. I expected lush descriptions that would make me feel as though I was transported to Burma. I wanted impressions of what this place feels like, smells like, and sounds like; I wanted similes and comparisons that could make me feel as emotionally connected to it as we are informed that Edgar is. I did not get this. In fact, I cannot picture what Mae Lwin, or indeed Burma, looks like at all. The book left me with a hazy dream-image, an impression of heat and trees and a river, but nothing more. This certainly complements the theme and ideas of the story, but it is disappointing nonetheless.

Daniel Mason also has a style of writing that began to grate on my nerves a little. He switches between past and present tense without warning, and seemingly at random. Sometimes this generates a sense of confusion that connects to Edgar’s feelings, but more often it feels as though the author simply forgot what tense he was writing in. At other times, quotation marks indicating speech would disappear without warning, only to reappear again a few paragraphs later. These ‘quirks’ were, presumably, meant to add to the sense of dreaminess and disconnect from reality, but I just found them distracting and annoying. To a certain extent this is what I get for reading a book from the literary fiction genre (yes, literary fiction is a genre. It can pretend all it wants but it’s not fooling anyone), but in general I have nothing against this kind of experimentation, if it feels appropriate. Once again, too much time spent enhancing the haunting, dreamy air, not enough spent on good, simple storytelling.

Ending: The High Point

Despite its problems, The Piano Tuner is perhaps worth reading for the end alone. Suddenly all the meandering elements of the story are drawn together and reality kicks in again with a bang. There are revelations that are surprising and shocking, and a twist-that-could-be-or-not-be-a-twist that is left for the reader to ponder. The story is left on an ambiguous and gloriously bittersweet note. It is a tremendous shame that the majority of the book did not share the same powerful writing and emotional impact as the ending. This is an ending that I will definitely not forget, even as the rest of the book fades into dream.

2 Weeks of Movies - Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1, and a rant about Twilight in general

 I didn't get a chance to post yesterday's movie review last night, so I've made up for it with an extra long one today, containing bonus ranting about Twilight in general. Remember, all my comments are very subjective and I do know this, but if you disagree I will feed you to the vampire baby. Just saying. Think of all those little needle teeth, chomp chomping, little pudgy baby fingers curling round your thumb as it chomp chomps its way through your neck (which would probably take at least a week). Got nightmares yet? Good.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 - 4/10

(Beware: here be many, many spoilers for all the films, as well as some fairly big Buffy spoilers too. So if you haven’t watched Buffy, look away now – although, shame on you, you really should! In fact, go watch it now.)

This is part 4, part 1, of the Twilight franchise. Unfortunately movie makers seem to be obsessed with the idea of splitting books into two films at the moment, whether they really need it or not. Harry Potter ? – maybe... so they could do justice to the end of such a long-running movie phenomenon. Although when I think of the two films they do just blur together into one in my head. The Hobbit? – that remains to be seen, but I’m worried that what could have been one really amazing film will become two slightly dragged out and watered down films. Twilight: Breaking Dawn? Completely unnecessary, but hey, it does keep the cash cow’s milk a’flowing. And meanwhile, we get to enjoy Bella and Edward’s not-so-forbidden romance a little longer. Yay?

So, to get started, I’ll explain that I have somewhat different views from most about this generation’s marmite craze. People seem to either love Twilight to the point of terrifying obsession, or to hate it with a fiery passion, condemning it as the worst story in the history of stories ever. Really? It’s quite a mediocre little thing to inspire such heights of passion on either side. My view tends to rest pretty squarely along the lines of ‘meh.’ (With the exception of the first movie, which I still insist is unintentional comedy gold.)

Perhaps this is because I really like supernatural and vampire stories. To me, there’s nothing new at all about Twilight (well, ok, the glittering thing), and so nothing really new to hate or blame Stephanie Meyer for. Love affair between mortal and vampire – done so many times I can’t be bothered to reel off a list. And yes, it’s been done well and badly, and certainly worse than Twilight. Lovesick angsty vampires have always irritated me, but I’m hardly gonna blame Stephanie Meyer for that one am I? When others were swooning, I wanted Angel to die Die DIE a horrible fiery tormented death in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (joy at the end of season 2! Depressed resignation in season 3). Spike, on the other hand, I liked. Well, all the other Buffy vamps are good, particularly Drusilla and Darla. Jerry from Fright Night is also a great vampire. Dracula, what can I say? Classic and terrifying. I even like most of Anne Rice’s creations.

Twilight vampires certainly rest on the prissier side of this, but there’s actually nothing inherently wrong with that. I prefer my vampires bloodthirsty and evil, but of course there is always room for different interpretations in an overly-saturated genre (Nowadays, it’s gone the other way, and a bad vampire is actually a breath of fresh air). And teen fiction is certainly the place for it. Teen stories are full of forbidden love, growing up and finding yourself, exploring moral ambiguities, and, yes, angst. Angst may be teeth-grindingly annoying for an adult, but remember how moody you were when you were a teenager? It’s actually very important for at least some teen fiction to explore this. Teens also seem to respond well to stories that explore real world issues in fantasy or science fiction terms. The most asininely stupid criticism of Twilight that I’ve heard is that it’s just a love story with vampires thrown in. Er... of course it is. Plenty of writers do this. In fact, it’s what science fiction is all about. It shows us real world issues or situations through a different lens. Avatar is just Pocahontas or Dances with Wolves with aliens. Take space out of Star Wars and you’d probably have a World War II film. Almost every episode of Buffy is a very clever comment on some aspect of a teenager’s or young adult’s life, dressed up with vampires, witches and pointy stakes. Not all stories do this, but plenty do, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them.

And, to put the cherry on my playing-devil’s-advocate cake, the Twilight series is phenomenally successful with its intended audience. You can criticise all you like, but if you’re not a 13-18 year old girl then you have to remember that it’s not meant for you. By all means, rant about why you personally don’t like it (I know I intend to), but trying to paint it as the worst thing ever to be made is a little silly. 14 year old girls might think the same about a Batman movie, or Tron, or the Halo games, or Game of Thrones. Most of the world thinks the same about Warhammer books. But they sure are all popular with their audiences.

Good, now that’s out of the way I can give my personal view of the Twilight movies (the books, as always, are a separate case entirely). They’re really not great, but they’re not soul-destroyingly bad either. Come on now. In the first film, the acting was pretty poor, but this does seem to have improved as the series has gone on. The characters are all a little flat and annoying, and that doesn’t really change. It’s hard to get behind Edward and Bella when you spend the entire film wanting them to die horribly, I grant you. However, the music is spot on; it suits the mood perfectly and really complements the film. The camerawork is good, some of the shots of the scenery and locations are gorgeous, and it’s actually an inspiring example of how to use locations to really bring a story to life. The wildness of the scenery, so close to civilisation and yet like another world, the dense mystery of the forests, the mist hanging between the trees, the huge sweeping emptiness, so lonely but so heartbreakingly beautiful – could you actually ask for a better setting for this story? Of course, when all you can find to praise about a movie is the setting... yeah, not good.

Some viewers may have been disappointed by the lack of action in these films, but that would be to miss the point of what the films are actually about. In terms of actually telling the story they want to tell, the pacing is pretty much spot on. It has a very slow build, but romance stories generally do. This isn’t horror or action, people, it’s gothic romance. It needs to be slow and almost torturously moody. Of course, this is all let down by a pretty awful story. No arguing with that one. And I can’t deny that the Twilight phenomena as a whole is immensely fun to make fun of.

However, whereas the first film sits pretty comfortably in ‘so cheesy it’s hilarious’ (it’s the slow-mo that cracks me up. And the glittering of course. And the ‘you smell’ scene that is slightly unfortunately over-acted), the other films just skirt between cringeworthy and boring. I can quite happily add the first movie to my list of cheese-fests, but I would never sit through the others more than once. I’m afraid I have to say the same for Breaking Dawn Part 1. It was mildly interesting; it moved the story along; it had some more nice music and beautiful forests. It also slightly bizarrely and bemusingly jumped the vampire shark and introduced... wait for it, baby vampire! Awwww... wait, no. Ew!

Edward was his usual annoying self and Bella was her usual insipid self. Not so much a problem with the acting as with the characters. In fact, if there’s a prize for acting insipid and still managing to not be the most slap-able person in the room, Kristin Stewart should win it. (Hint - the 'most slap-able' trophy goes to Edward every time). There was also a moment of hope towards the end of the film that Bella would die, but we all know that’s never going to happen. There’s never any real danger or difficulties to deal with in the Twilight world. Fights are tame, no-one dies, Bella gets the guy, even when the guy leaves it’s because he’s just so in love with Bella that he can’t stand screwing up her life, and the aforementioned screwing up Bella’s life consists of making her super strong, super fast, immortal, and really really pretty. And now the one consequence of marrying a dead guy, that she will never be able to have kids, has also been thrown to the wind. Cos, you know, baby vampire! Why not (sigh). And this is my main problem with Twilight. It’s that there are never any real trials or consequences to deal with. It’s pure wish fulfilment, plain and simple. This is why Bella has been accused of being a Mary Sue, and I have to agree with this. Now, I do get the place for wish-fulfilment fantasy, but I just personally don’t like it. It’s not... meaty enough.  

In summary, then, was Breaking Dawn dreadful? No. Was it good? No. Final Assessment? Meh. It’s pretty simple actually. If you like Twilight, you’ll probably enjoy it. If you don’t, don’t bother.